Rain (Very Rough Draft)

I stood in the rain as I let myself become drenched. The cool breeze added to the chill. My heart was happiest in the rain. It allowed me to cry without letting anyone else know I was doing so. It also allowed creativity to flow like warm blood through my veins. Today it was a good day to cry.

The whole bad day started this morning when I was late for work. Now I am standing outside the restaurant, alone, on the day of my wedding anniversary. It would have been 10 years if it wasn't for a car accident that took him from me. Now I am trying to decide if I want to continue this miserable day at home or try and have a good night at a restaurant he and I liked to go. Either way I would end the night crying myself to sleep.

I decided to go into the restaurant. There was two reasons for that decisions. One, I need to save up some tears for the long night. Two, I could not disappoint family. I was not the only one here to remember him. I would be selfish if I did not show up.

He has been gone for 3 years now and still feels like yesterday. I remember the night clearly. I was waiting at this same restaurant that night. I remember getting the call and my heart sinking. I thought he was just running late. He always ran late. They told me that a drunk driver ran through a red light as my husband drove through the intersection. The drunk was going 60 and hit the drivers side with full impact. They tell me he never even felt it. I hope they are right. You hear this sort of thing all the time. Some drunk thinking he can get home on his own and ends up killing someone instead. You just never think it could happen so close to home. He was only a few blocks from the restaurant.

As I enter I see all of the loved ones turn toward me. Some raising a glass and some walking to give me reassurance that life will indeed go on and that I should too. I walk toward the corner where our usual booth is and took a seat. Waiting for me is a glass of red wine. His favorite when coming here. He always said they had the best selection. I had to trust him as I normal didn't drink.

I sat and picked up the glass. The smell hit me like a ton of bricks as all the memories that came washing over me. The first kiss. The I do's. Summer trips. Long hot nights. Right then and there the tears came again. This time it was a flood. No way of stopping them and no way of hiding them.